WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
