Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
