Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
