tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize