just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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