i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
