I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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