He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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