so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
