Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
