It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
