Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize