Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Less talking, more tequila
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize