I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
