Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
