We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
