A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
