just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
