u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize