Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
