So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
