it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
