I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
