It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
