Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize