Three words: puerto rican gang bang
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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