he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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