Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
