I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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