i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
