i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
