Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
