I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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