Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
