I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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