Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize