apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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