Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am naked and annoyed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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