You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everclear isn't food dammit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize