Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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