They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
