Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He better not be in your backpack
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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