I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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