I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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