Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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