i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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