He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
