there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize