No stitches, just platelets and will power
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
