Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
