I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize