Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
