You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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