Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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