I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize