haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
