I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
