Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
