hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You took a bar mat shot.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
