I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
