At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
