dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
