you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you win again, gameday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
