I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
