i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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