I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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