Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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