theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
