Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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